i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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