Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
