I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
