FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
