Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
