the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
