so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
