I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
then he tried to convert me to islam
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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