you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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