how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
