i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
