he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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