You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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