Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
