NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
