My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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