he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
