Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
