i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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