i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
