She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
