So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
