you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Farmville is her only friend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
