They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
