don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How external is "for external use only"?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
