lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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