you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
