Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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