i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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