Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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