dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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