thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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