We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
