Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
should my penis look like a turkey
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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