no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
