I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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