Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
