I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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