tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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