So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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