I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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