And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
