I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
