Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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