just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
