I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
