well I can't set my house on fire every night
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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