two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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