my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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