Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
