Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
