nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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