the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
