I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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