Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize