Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I puked a lego.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
