if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
