Do you still have your period?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
