FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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