Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
