There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
