He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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