I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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