Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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