Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
