I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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