just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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