Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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