My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
