You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Randomize
