So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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