if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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