He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
