You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
