Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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